I'm hearing echoes of whispers from long ago. Young and naive I thought I had fallen in love. I believed the vows I took. I trusted the person I married. I gave of myself with every fiber of my being.
When things started to go bad, I thought I could fix it. I thought it must be my fault and I could change the destiny of the path we were on.
Now I have two people in my life going through the same thing.
One of them has become a good friend through blogging. Strange how the internet can make our world so much smaller. I've seen a few pictures, I've read many posts, and I've chatted online a bit and someone I feel very close to someone I've never met. So close, that sometimes I wonder if I've not created a monster.
It's difficult to care about someone so intently and care about their life, yet keep yourself distanced from creating an uncomfortable situation. I have to admit, the other night I was talking online to this person and it became strangely tense. Was I reading too much into the conversation? I pondered this for hours after I got offline. Were the words he'd written directed just at a generic "someone" or was he really directing them at me?
Then I worry that I've become some kind of a rebound crutch. He's hurting so badly and perhaps he's grasping at anyone who treats him with kindness and affection. I hope that isn't the case. As much as I value his friendship, I value my marriage more. My husband really is my best friend... and I love him and my family with all my heart. I would never do anything to jeapordize that relationship.
How do I tell this person that I love him - platonically? I care for him deeply as a friend and a human being. I want him to have the happiness that everyone deserves. Especially him. He's had enough tragedy in his lifetime.
The other person is someone even closer to me... my youngest daughter. She's only been married a year and is now heading for divorce. In a week she will be moving home to live and to recapture her life. She made the same mistake I did the first time. She thought she was in love, without knowing what love was. She thought being someone's best friend and confidant, to be comfortable with them, to laugh, to cry, to share... this was enough. Sometimes, it's not. They both realized it, too late.
Will she find someone again? Of this I'm convinced. She's beautiful, funny, caring, and kind. What's not to love?
Both of these people bring the echoes back to me of a life gone before. Mine... and the whispers say, "I wish I could have told them this before"...
